Pigalina's Palace: Blog

Pigalina is Going For Citizenship

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:33:49 GMT

Earlier this year I thought I would finally go ahead and apply for New Zealand citizenship. I've been living here for almost 13 years after all. My main reason for doing so was to avoid buying a $25 year-long visa any time I want to go to Australia. When I called to get my application form the man informed me that there was a $400 fee and the processing could take 2 years! I decided I would rather just buy the visas, I don't go to Australia that much.
Anyway, Mummy Pigalina, fearing New Zealand civil war and deciding that she may one day want to live in the beautiful sunshine of our larger island cousin, decided that she and Daddy Pigalina would apply for citizenship and offered to pay for me and my sister too.
Easy peasy, fill out a form, attend a ceremony and get a native tree and a certificate. Then I am free to come and go from here as I please. The form however is rather large and rather intrusive.

In order to decide if I "ordinarily reside" in NZ I have to list any time spent out of the country, each address I have had and the dates and any jobs or benefits received and the dates. This is actually quite a big task! I have had many jobs and the dates are not well documented. They want to know your eye colour and height, if you have ever been overpaid while on a beneift or had to pay a tax bill. This will mean a long time on the phone to the tax department because I honestly can't remember. They would also like to know about any fines you have had - this includes speeding so I have to look back through the mists of time to try and remember the date of a speeding ticket about 9 years ago (though luckily the photo was sent for at the time to determine who was driving so I should be able to put the exact date).

My favourite questions on the form are numbers 20.6a and 20.7:
"Are you or have you ever been associated with a terrorist organisation or involved in acts of terrorism?"
"Are you or have you been involved in a war crime or a crime against humanity?"
Both have nice little tick boxes next to them so any terrorists and war criminals can tick "yes" and then post in their forms.
After filling out my lovely 11 page form and sending in two passport photos and $400 (of mum's money) I have to sit back for up to 18 months and in the meantime I will be asked to provide a huge wealth of original personal documents including old passports. It's a good job I am a hoarder.
Then I have to attend a ceremony (there is no getting out of it) and say an affirmation of allegiance. What a faff. My native tree better be a goodie.

Pigalina is Permanent

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 05:42:27 GMT

Hurrah, hooray. I am finally a permanent member of staff so I can now carry on doing exactly what I have been doing for the last 8 months indefinately.
My coaching paid off and my manager told me my interview was "10, no, 100 times better than last time." Good, it couldn't really have got much worse than that last one. I "wanked on" about myself as advised. I must be good at wanking.

So, watch out unemployed of South D.

What's The Time...Mr Wolf?

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 05:04:23 GMT

Yes, time to be interviewed for my own job again.
There are 2, possibly 4 positions going this time around and I am being interviewed, doing a listening, writing and maths test and weeing my pants for it tommorrow. I had interview skills coaching today so I am armed with knowledge for my time in there.
Wish me luck! 2nd (though technically 3rd) time lucky.
I am very annoyed about having to do the writing, maths and reading tests again. Can't they take my results from the last two times? Also they have added a delightful listening test in too. Awesome. I've only been listening to clients for the past 6 months. In a bid to keep it all fair and above board though I have to go through the same stuff as everyone else applying.

The main advice I was given today is "Just wank on about yourself".
Will try.
This is really not something I enjoy. I had to write twelve examples of my fabulousness in the application. Alas "O for orsome" followed by an arrow through each box was unacceptable so I had to spend all last weekend working on it.

Pigalina - Could Do Better.

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 09:28:49 GMT

If you cast your eyes back to my post dated 14th August you will see that I had the pleasure of applying for the job I am already doing. Well! Seems that my skills check - maths, writing a letter etc was great and my application and CV divine (well not quite, but good anyway, despite there amost being some snot and tears during the skills test over a particularly hard question). So, the tests to see if I was capable of doing the job I have been doing for a few months proved that I could, with bells on. All was looking well, Pigalina was a little shiny button on a pile of plastic ones screaming pick me, pick meeee! That was until my interview.

I went in, armed with notes as was recommended and, seemingly, looked upon favourably. (I don't know about you but taking notes to an interview implies you are making most of your answers up and need some prompting). I had great scenarios worked out about how I am so awesome with clients and go out of my way for them by talking to the IRD on their cellphones or calling the doctor to make appointments for them. It was going to be a breeze.
When I got in there I poured myself a glass of water so that I looked relaxed and the inevitable dry mouth of fear would not be a problem. The questions began and I could have fallen to the floor and assumed the fetal position. None of my scenarios matched the questions, my notes were useless and I flailed around trying to come up with answers. They asked me one question ("Tell us about a time you had to explain something that the client did not understand") that would have been great with one of my scenarios until they added "With a client that you had never met before." Curses! One of the interviewing panel knew the scenario that I was going to use and knew that I knew the person. Damn! Rather than just lie and say it anyway I floundered before pulling a crappy one out of the air.
Don't even get me started on the diabolical question on Integrity.

So a week later results were announced. I got taken into the little seminar room where the manager told me that Pigalina was to remain a temp. After that stellar performance? Outrageous! Seems that skills tests have nothing to do with it where I work and it all comes down to points scored during the interview. Yes, interview well and you can get the job even though you may not be able to tell how many beans make 5 and couldn't even write a letter to Santa. She said that my interview had really let me down and that I took (useless) notes in but didn't refer to them. Boo-urns! I had kind of expected it but it still didn't stop me wanting to have a little blub. I had to sit there and keep a happy face on and then to make it worse the whole office knew something was afoot and I had to walk out all nonchalant and head back to my desk. Apparently this very predicament has faced others in my office. Surely it is time to rethink the hiring process?

So I remain temporary until the next round of interviews due to start soon. I am to be coached by my manager and trainer on interview skills and we will do mock interviews. How embarrassing!

When Geeks Go To Computer Training

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 08:18:55 GMT

Today I had training in the morning for a new computer system that is supposed to come in and make all of our lives at work easier. It will replace the 3 we currently have fun trying to get to "talk" to each other with just one. Or it will now be a four way conversation.
I sat down at a computer and as usual it was all flickery so I went to change the refresh rate.
"Stop that, leave that!" a voice bellowed behind me. "Leave my settings alone."
"But it flickers and hurts my eyes" I whimpered.
The trainer then proceeded to tell everyone that nobody was to touch his settings "no changing the sizes or the fonts".
Bah!
He then turned the lights off so that we could watch the projector and then all I could see were bright flickering screens mocking me and threatening to give me a headache.
Every single computer in my workplace is the same. I think I am one of only 3 people that would know about the refresh rate. Everyone else just takes Panadol and has a lie down.

Applying for your Own Job

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 09:41:47 GMT

As my contract is coming up for renewal again and there are two fulltime positions available I am in the odd position of having to apply for a job that I am already doing. It is extremely weird updating your CV to include you current job knowing that your manager is going to see it. You don't really want to be seen as tooting your own horn but you also can't sell yourself short or else you could do yourself out of a job you obviously can do!
On the plus side I have had an excellent week so far. I am off reception - YAY and have occupied my days with lovely things like filing and watching job seeker seminars and reading through training modules. They discovered today that I had not completed the orientation pack that I should have done in my first week. So this afternoon I answered questions such as "Who is your manager?" and drew a seating plan of the office with each desk labelled with the person's name, phone number and position. Next week I am off to "Training School" where I will learn to be an Unemployment Case manager for real. Not flying by the seat of my pants and hoping that I am not lying like I do at the moment.

My Work = Great Stories That Cannot Be Told.

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:00:48 GMT

I am currently getting paid three times the amount that I got for wiping old people's arses for, as Mr Pigalina puts it, "sitting on" mine. Alas, I think he does not appreciate what I go through everyday. It is me that cops the flack when there are no appointments available. Me who gets accused when the money has not been paid. It is me that has to fill out forms for people who cannot read or write whilst managing a never ending stream of inquires from impatient people.
Whilst doing all of this I file everyone elses papers and process their paperwork to save them from having to do it. I listen to stories and offer a sympathetic ear (sometimes I care, often I am pretending) and make sure client's aren't left waiting too long. It is a hard job keeping everyone happy. Every morning I dread going in, but when I am there it is fine.
It is for these reasons - it's not that bad; I get paid alright and I like my workmates that I have to be VERY careful about what I write on here. I long to write about the seedy oldies and bogans (so many) that hit on me, the crazy names and the downright mad people but I can't! There is a zero tolerance at work for "breaches of privacy".
Please, understand my pain. I long to share my experiences with the world, but alas I cannot. Unless I want to go back to sales.

Getting Old

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 07:20:53 GMT

Remember (or pehaps you are looking forward to) that great year you had when you and all of your friends turned 21 and it was parties nearly every weekend?
I am going to a 30th this weekend.
It has begun.

I'm Going Slightly Mad

Wed, 30 May 2007 11:15:42 GMT

Mr Pigalina has me a bit paranoid. For about 3 months now he has been mentioning that I have been forgeting things (how to format a disk, minor details about his work and I forget what else). I don't forget interesting things though so maybe if things around me weren't so mundane I would be more inclined to commit them to memory. The final straw that has cemented in his mind that I am losing the plot was "The Heater Incident." We came home earlier this week (I have actually forgotten which day) and discovered that the bathroom heater had been on all day.

Of course I was accused of forgeting to turn it off. However this is not the case as I distinctly remember pulling the string to turn it off. The string though is very temperamental and sometimes it does not do as you require. This time I mustn't have pulled it hard enough and therefore the heater remained on. You could have burnt the house down I was scolded. (Let us not fail to mention that I am 90% positive that Mr Pigalina entered the bathroom AFTER I had left, yet failed to notice that the heater was still on and it is ME that is apparently a bit mental).

At least the bathroom dried out for once.

Now to use this to my advantage to get lots of bed rest...

Oh Be-have

Sat, 05 May 2007 03:55:02 GMT

Seems I will have to be on my guard whenever I leave the house. I have been spotted twice in one week. No, it is not fans of my oh-so exciting and earth-shattering blog. It is clients from work. I was seen having a hot chocolate with friends last weekend by someone who works at the cafe, which they informed me of when they came into work the other day. Today when Mr Pigalina pulled up at an intersection I could see a lady at the crossing intently peering into the car as she tried to work out how she knew me. I knew her and tried my hardest to look straight ahead so as not to catch her eye.
We were told at our recent meeting about data integrity and client confidentiality that we are supposed to behave well at all times. If we are up to no good such as blowing a whistle dressed in fluoro clothes at a rave whilst "tripping out on dirty dog" or perhaps something harder, someone could identify us as employees of the Ministry and that could bring them into disrepute. Do they really expect thousands of people to behave everytime they go out? Even at birthdays and other such causes for merriment? And would people really dob someone in for having a few too many at the pub? Probably yes actually. Gracious, I shall have to watch myself, we don't want a "Pigalina caught having fun scandal" now do we? That will mean I will have to be careful and maybe cut back on doing things such as this (never!):

Pigalina Love SPG

Tue, 01 May 2007 10:18:03 GMT

SPG (Special Patrol Group named after the hamster in The Young Ones) is my fabulous white rat. About a month ago Mr Pigalina came to me with a sad face and said "I don't want to upset you but SPG has a lump." The poor girl certainly did have a lump, in her front left armpit, if we left it too long she would hardly be able to put her leg down!

Most people would say it was time to get rid of SPG, that with such a lump you may as well put her to sleep. Actually, most people think that I should not have rats at all. "Uuuurrrgh their tails are all yucky" (They are actually soft and hairy), "They smell" (Only if you don't clean them out) etc etc. We took SPG to the vet and they said that we could have her operated on. After some deliberation we decided that SPG deserved to have her lump removed. What did it matter that she probably only has one year of life left and that the operation would cost 8 times as much as she cost to buy? She is my furry friend and therefore I couldn't bear to see her go just yet.

After work on the day of her operation I headed to the vets office expecting to pick up a box containing a groggy little rat with a gruesome wound on her side. Imagine my suprise, and delight when I opened the box and saw not just a perky and happy SPG but one wearing a very cute little bandage:

How could anyone not like that little furry creature? SPG is thriving and I am glad she had her wee op as it means she can still walk! Hopefully she won't get anymore lumps. Yes I am quite the soft touch when it comes to my animals. Pigalina love SPG.

Falling VERY Behind On Movie Reviews

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 08:12:25 GMT

Even though the movie reviews were to remind me of all the movies I have seen I have fallen dreadfully behind.

May I just say, I saw Pan's Labyrinth at the weekend and it is FABULOUS. It gets a 5/5 in my book (which counts for a lot). It was a great story, awesome costumes and makeup and looked brilliant. I don't have time to do a full review, just watch it!

Also, while I was ill we went to the video store and got 6 movies for $5. Thus I watched the diabolical (0/5) Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo followed by the wonderful (5/5) The Constant Gardener.

I will try to do the reviews the day after watching the films. I am not as busy as I was, though somehow I also manage to find my evenings filled with boring jobs. Oh to be 5 again, not 25.

Things I have learned in my new job.

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 07:54:29 GMT

Some people are such "super high security clearance" in the armed forces that they don't even have access to their own pay details.

If a form does not have PTO at the bottom that probably means that there is nothing on the back you need to fill out.

The Easter holidays yields a high percentage of lost wallets requiring emergency food money from us. (Something to do with a holiday of feasting upon chocolate coming up?)

Some people think that they can hand a form in without filling in a single box and we will know what is going on.

It is my fault that people don't read their letters properly.

It is also my fault that there is no public transport in rural areas and it is jolly rude of me to make people make appointments at set times. How dare I not let them just see someone right there and then?!

Some days......

Today we had a talk on Code of Conduct issues. Did you know I am not even allowed to tell someone where I know a client from if they say hello to me on the street. For example: Mr Pigalina and I are strolling down the street and someone says "Hi!". Mr Pigalina asks "How do you know him/her?" I would have to reply "Oh just from around" or "I met them the other day". This is to protect client confidentiality because they might not want Mr Pigalina to know that they visit the Social Welfare office. Good job there aren't really any "cute boys" that come to work else Mr Pigalina may think I am up to something with such vague answers.

Pigalina Has Bronchitis.

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 01:47:03 GMT

When I started my new job all of my new colleagues warned me that I would get ill. I work on the reception desk at the social welfare office, so you can imagine that some of the people I encounter may be a bit germy.

On Monday I awoke with a sore throat and a slight headache. I was in bed by 8pm that night. This gradually progressed over the next two days until last night I whiled away the hours in a feverous state which caused Mr Pigalina to become quite concerned as I thrashed around trying to get the blankets off me. Usually I can't get enough blanket and will gladly wrap myself up so that I am snuggly as can be. The night was also punctuated by loud honking, phlegmy coughs that caused Mr Pigalina to think I was vomitting everywhere. Poor Mr Pigalina did not get a full night's beauty sleep thanks to my carry on.

So, on doctor's orders I am to spend the next few days in bed, guzzling liquids, anti-biotics and paracetamol. I am currently in bed with Ricky Gervais and Ade Edmonson for company. Mr Pigalina said that I wished such lazy time upon myself after seeing what a great time our friend Rodney was having off work nursing a broken thumb. Tis true I did comment that it looked like he was having a great time but I failed to remember that to be off work requires some form of painful accident or illness.

New, Secrecy Clause Signed, Job

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 06:25:35 GMT

Last Wednesday I left the first ever job that it has not been a huge relief for me to see the back of.

My very first job was delivering junk mail in a hilly suburb. The job paid terribly, the junk mail was heavy, I had to fold each item to fit it into the mail boxes and Dunedin is not famous for its delightful weather. There was one time that I got caught in a torrential downfall of rain. This did however seem to seal in Mr Pigalina's mind that he should ask me out on a date. Something to do with me being in a soaking wet, white t-shirt (with Dennis the Menace on the front).

There was the job I had at a rest home when I was 16 - serving food and wiping bums, an odd combination. The day after I learnt to put on a catheter and was informed I would be learning showering I quit.

I had a few retail jobs in between and a job, for two weeks where I placed sanitary towel bins (yes, those kind) and nappy bins in to a huge dishwasher.

Then I had my job at the supermarket while I was at University. It was delightful to stand in one place for up to 8 hours a day and be talked down to by snooty ladies. They don't seem to realize that 80% of the checkout operators are their future teachers, doctors, lawyers and...customer service reps. Here is a photo of the delightful day that I left there, note the beautiful smock:

My next job was where this blog all started and you can read about some of my great experiences in the archives. As if you would. It was in an electronics store, which you think would be pretty sweet but due to lack of staff and very demanding customers I went a bit doo-lally and started hoping to get hit by a car so that I could have a few weeks time-out in hospital. I have since learnt that I could have gone onto a Sickness Benefit on the grounds of stress. Why do I never know such useful things at the time? Instead I left that job and moved to the job I spoke about at the start.
At first I didn't enjoy it much, there didn't seem to be much to do. Soon I began to appreciate the laid back nature of the job and the people that I worked with. When I left it was only because I had to, I had been covering maternity leave and with the baby not only out but almost a year old I had to go. There was nowhere for me to stay.
This brings me to my title and the reason that, apart from having been away on holiday for two weeks, I have not updated my blog in a while. I am now working for what I suppose most people would call the unemployment office. Currently I am the receptionist (though in the future I will apparently be training and being given clients to manage.) This position is fabulous for meeting colourful characters and hearing long-winded life stories, such as this. However, as much as this would be great blog fodder I am unable to use any of it! I had to sign a secrecy agreement indicating that I would not do such things. I am not even sure that I am allowed to tell Mr Pigalina about my interesting day. Well, I am certainly not allowed to tell him who I saw and why. Mostly though the stories that I hear and people that I meet are incredibly depressing and make me so glad that I have the life that I have.
I have discovered since working in my new job that you can legitimately be off work and receive money (albeit a small amount) for tiredness and a lack of motivation. What? I could have been off work this entire time?

Turning 25 and The Big Day Out

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 23:46:25 GMT

I have finally got the photos from our trip to Auckland up on the computer. There are not as many of bands as I would like, mainly as it was either too dark or we were dancing too much. While we were there I turned 25 which we celebrated by going into Auckland and watching Open Season in 3D on the Imax screen. Mr Pigalina and I then had tea together and the insistance of Libby and Shaun and then we met up for pool, pinball and boogieing (6 songs for $2 on the video jukebox!) before heading back to our motel. This trip took about 3 hours as we accidentally drove in a giant circle but it was one of the most entertaining car journeys I have been on. We bought a chocolately birthday cake at about 1am, it was great. Alas we had to be up for 5.15am so we were a bit worse for wear the next day. As I sat half awake on the sofa the next day, feeling ill from a lingering snot riddled head cold and lack of sleep, Mr Pigalina's mum arrived and asked me if I was hungover. How rude! I was the model of sobriety (apart from 3 drinks on my birthday) all weekend despite my appearance in a lot of the photos. It is amazing how a bit of humidity can play havoc with your hair.

(I will put a few photos here, the rest will be in my album called "Big Day Out"):

Muse were fantastic as expected, The Streets were a suprise, they were awesome! It was so much fun jumping about in a boiling hot tent with thousands of other people while they were playing. There were so many fantastic outfits that I wish I had taken more photos. Shaun and Mr Pigalina even saw an emo girl wearing a gasmask. I alas was in the t-shirt queue and missed it. I don't care who is playing next year I want to go, it was a big AWESOME day out. A great weekend all round actually.

The (Not Very) Final Countdown

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:43:32 GMT

Only 29 days left until I am unemployed!

I would like to remain so but I, Mr Pigalina and my menagerie do need to eat. Mr Pigalina has given in to the incessant mewling of William and has granted the cats Whiskas Vitabites biscuits instead of Cat Meow. So, there are posh cat delights to fund. Also those damn rats keep turning their teeny, twitchy noses up at anything except human food.

I am currently "the floater" (how flattering) at work. This means I am covering for people while they are on holiday and it means a couple of days at this desk, a couple at another, trying to answer their emails and doing all of the jobs they usually do.

It is quite entertaining and, up until today I have been very busy. Alas today I got a bit bored so, while trying to find the address for a parcel I was overjoyed to find this hilarious name in the phonebook. How we laughed (ah, simple pleasures). Before you ask I wasn't looking up silly words, it was genuinely the surname on the parcel, most unfortunate. The name at the bottom:

Man I get bored.

Well, on March 1st if I have no job I have to get down to Maccas. Fingers and toes crossed that the couple of jobs, I am picky, I have applied for will yeild a fantastic result.

No Book For Pigalina

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 03:08:23 GMT

I was in the fabulous shopping metropolis known as South Dunedin today waiting to have some tyres fitted on my car. Whilst strolling past the many, many second hand shops I noticed a copy of The Queen and I by the fabulous Sue Townsend. It was only $4! I went inside to pay and the man swiped my card and then - "Invalid Transaction". They didn't take credit cards and that was all I had on me (makes a difference to how I used to be). I told the man I would go and get some money out and would be back.

As credit cards start charging interest straight away for any cash you get out I didn't want to have to use an ATM and get out $20 when I only needed $4. I also needed to top up my cellphone so I trotted along to the post shop. After waiting in line with bogans and a stinky lady it was finally my turn. I asked for a Vodafone recharge and $4. The lady set up the order and I swiped my card. "Invalid Transaction".

"Oh, can I not get cash out on credit?" I asked.

"No you just can't use credit to pay for Vodafone, not at the Post Shop." What? What a stupid rule that is, usually it is the other way around, you can pay for whatever you like but no cash out. So, I trotted off down the street to the bookshop, even further from the second hand shop where I wanted to make my purchase. I approached the counter and asked: "Can I get cash out and Vodafone recharges from here using credit?" The lady kind of looked at me. I continued, "because other places won't let me." She kind of edged away fom me and muttered that the man would serve me. (I suppose I was looking quite menacing in my pink hoodie). So she repeated to him what I had asked and he swiped my card. "Invalid Transaction".

"You can't get cash out with credit" He informed me. Didn't I just ask that to save the embarassment? By now I was getting annoyed (it doesn't take much) so I took my phone top up and left. Bah! I went back to the tyre shop and read Cosmo which told me about the hottest looks for 2005.

Now I know why South Dunedin is full of morons, nobody can buy a book without hassle.

Also today was my reading and sorting test, it was easy, shame I don't want the job.

Shame is Potentially Heading Pigalina's Way

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:27:28 GMT

Tomorrow holds potential to shame me. I have applied for a job sorting the mail, as I am due to leave the courier place in a month. However I am to undergo a reading and sorting test tomorrow. I have been sorting parcels for the past year and have been reading for the past 21. I am hoping that my brain works properly tomorrow and I don’t end up embarrassing myself. One lady apparently sorted 211 letters correctly in 2 minutes. We shall see, I won’t cry too much if I don’t get it anyway. Onwards and upwards should be the motto when getting a new job, not backwards and downwards in order to not be poor.

I have just revealed to my mum my TradeMe name. I then realized that she will be able to look up all of my past transactions which may or may not include some things that I would rather not my mum know I owned. It would be like her rifling through my undie drawer. Literally.

Also, on the subject of shae - if you are going to send for “blue movies” in the mail, make sure you get your address correct. You know who you are. I know you are getting “Lady of the Rings”. Tut tut.

Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's Two Thou Sand 'n' Seven

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 10:18:06 GMT

This New Years Eve was a quiet but fun one. Mr Pigalina and I spent it at my parents with my two cousins, my aunty and uncle. We played Cluedo and Buzz Jungle Party. That's Buzz Junior, for children, yet still the forty year olds in the group had some issues with how to play. The countdown passed without too much cheering and no images of partying masses. Mum and Dad have a new TV and, farcically, it took seven minutes for them to get the TV back onto a channel and it was 00.06am by the time that we finally managed to see Meatloaf belting out a tune.

Though it was a rather fun night, it was not as we had planned. The whole night had been planned out before Christmas. We were to have a barbeque and then boogie the night away at the disco bar to The Jackson 5. Imagine our suprise when the hosts of the barbeque went away on holiday the day before this planned shindig. We were told to fear not because camping was on the cards. There were four problems with this idea though:

1 - The Pigalina's do not camp, we require proper toileting facilities.

2 - Shaun is dreadfully allergic to pollen so a night upon grass would see his eyes swell shut and his nose turn into a river.

3 - The organizers had not selected a location.

Most of all though, number 4 - None of us owns a tent.

After that little revelation plan 2 was thrown out of the window.

It was then that Mum rang to say that my family was down from Christchurch and we decided to spend the night with them. We decided that we would meet up with the others in town for the countdown.

People, who may or may not be named Murray and Shaun, were supposed to text us when they got to town. No text came and, as we were highly engrossed in Jungle Party, we decided that they must have stayed at home so we gave town a miss. However it seems that they did go to town and did indeed dance the night away. All knowledge of my telling them to text us has been denied yet sitting in the sent items on my phone are two messages reading: "My aunty is down so we having tea at mums text us when you get to town :)" and "Tee hee text us when you get to town." I shall forgive them, eventually. After they admit that they must learn to read properly.

The 1st was also mine and Mr Pigalina's 4th wedding anniversary, aww, we are old. Well that was how the year began. The first two months are already pretty much mapped out for me too. I have about two weeks of work then I am off to The Big Day Out (woot) and turning 25. Then February sees a trip to Australia and unemployment as of the end of the month. Yes, I must look for a job again. My favourite. So who knows what I will be doing for the rest of 2007? Hopefully something exciting (dream on Pigalina, dream on).

Crank

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:21:36 GMT

Jason Stratham doesn't seem to have been in anything decent since Snatch. The Transporter you say? Don't you remember that scene where the missile ricochets off a tray he is holding?

This film looked like it would be quite entertaining - Speed set within the human body. Stratham stars as Chev a hitman who has been given a concoction of Chinese drugs designed to inflict swift death. Chev discovers though that adrenaline can prolong his life. So, keep moving, stay alive, as in everybody's favourite fast bus movie. Chev vows to kill the man who injected him so races around, staying excited, trying to find him. I can't really say anymore without giving what little plot there is away. It had an interesting ending that had a glaring continuity error - the helicopter was barely above the tops of the buildings yet when someone fell from it they fell for about 3 kilometres.

In terms of visual styling this film was rather interesting, people that they were speaking to on the telephone were shown in the car mirrors; a building bulged like in a cartoon during a bar room brawl; shots were filmed through the grill on a microwave door etc. This is mainly what was going to give the film a three pig rating. However, when Chev met up with girlfriend Eve the movie took a nosedive. Eve is played by the ironically named Amy Smart. Smart seems only to ever play whores and dumbasses. Here she combined the two to play one of the most infuriating characters on film. She was so vacant and when running from gangsters with guns she is concerned that her lippy and tampons and what-not have fallen out of her handbag. It was the sex scene that was the clincher, quite, quite stupid. "Oooh my adrenaline levels, lets have sex in the markeplace." Chev tries to get Eve to have sex with him in front of hundreds of people. She refuses and tries to get away - she is almost being raped yet the marketgoers just stand there. Then, when her shirt rips open she's on and they go for in and everyone stands around thinking it is a great joke. SO IRRITATINGLY DUMB.

The film really tried far too hard to be edgy, what with practically every woman in the film being a slapper, drug taking, gangsta living and a tranny friend (played by Efren Ramirez - Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite). Why was he a transvestite? No reason at all. Gracious.

So, the film started out promisingly but the whiff of trying too hard and the lingering stench of stupid stupid girlfriend and diabolical sex scene tainted this viewers nostrils.

Pigalina is so T.O

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 09:22:02 GMT

I have just about had a little cry. I have my latest batch of assignments due on Friday and I had just finished one - a religious interpretation on the Grimm tale Jorinda and Joringel. I was feeling jolly proud of my efforts, I thought I had done a really good job of it and that meant I only had two assignments left! Hurrah!

Alas, I later discovered that I had saved over this fabulous piece of work with another, crappy, short, assignment. I use the same file over and over as a template due to silly page layouts that are required that I can't be bothered to set each time and then, as soon as a change is made to the previous essay, I save the new file with a different name (I didn't explain that very well). Well, it turns out that the out proverb is true, pride comes before a fall as, in my glee, I had neglected to rename the file after deleting my beautiful three page essay. I know it wasn't the hugest essay ever but it is 10.20pm, I have that to rewrite and another to do, I have work in the morning and I really can't be bothered!

Woe is me.

Immortality Available Online

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 08:40:17 GMT

Today I was going through parcels at work, trying to locate addresses, a daily task for me. (I had to open this particular parcel after all other avenues were exhausted). It was from Immortalitydevice.com (actually http://www.alexchiu.com/). Inside were jars of pills and some odd black things that looked like rings with button cell batteries attached.
Anyway, I was trying to find an email address for the receiver when I noticed this fabulous explanation on the Gorgeouspils (yes, Gorgeous pills) that were in the parcel:

"Thank you for purchasing Gorgeouspil. This pill enhances the performance of the immortality rings or the foot braces like 50 times or something."

Like 50 times or something. What the? Is Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite the spokesperson for this whole thing or what?
All I know, with such eloquent descripions of the products effectivity I will be buying myself some Hotchickpills, sorry Gorgeouspils to go with my new button cell bling.

Alas, I never did find the owner of the parcel either.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 07:04:24 GMT

Borat was always my favourite character on Ali G so it is good to see him get some recognition. There is no real need to explain the premise, most people will know by now; but for those that don’t, Borat is a journalist from Kazakhstan who is sent to America to study their great culture and teach his people their ways. Borat and his friend arrive in New York, but Borat soon becomes entranced by Pamela Anderson so an odyssey to California to make Pamela his wife begins.

If you don’t like seeing hairy obese men naked I would recommend that you avoid this film, otherwise, if that’s your bag, you are in for a treat. The best thing about this movie is that most of the situations are real; Sacha Baron Cohen approaches real people in the guise of Borat and films their reactions to his wildly inappropriate comments and actions. For example, when at a fancy dinner party he needs to use the toilet he returns with a poo in a bag asking where to put it. The hostess then has to show him how to use a toilet, complete with instructions on wiping. This dinner party ends abruptly with the sheriff being called for reasons unknown. I was suprised that people literally ran from Borat on the streets of New York when he tried to shake their hands. What was their problem? It just made them look like retards and I hope they are embarrassed. (They certainly wouldn't like the "Free Hugs" man then would they?)

You get the feeling that after certain scenes Cohen would be saying “high fiiiiive” to his crew after capturing some gold footage. Like the boys in the campervan who are now suing, the church and the mortgage brokers dinner. Especially the mortgage brokers dinner. There are a few jokes about Jews in the film that some people have commented on. However, knowing that Cohen is himself Jewish should ease the minds of those worried about chuckling at such stereotypes. Kazakhstan has even embraced the stereotypes about themselves apparently using the publicity from the movie to boost its tourist trade. The movie was hilarious and there were no dull moments. Probably not a watch with granny kind of film, though it would be fun to watch with granny and listen to her getting confused about how this odd foreign journalist got his own movie.

5/5

Ahhh ahhh uuuuuuhhh uuuh I'm stil al-liiive (Not dead, just busy).

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 09:08:05 GMT

This season I are have mostly been a mixture of very busy and very lazy. Assignments are due, work has been calling me in early, and I have had a variety of social occasions to attend. Saturday, which was supposed to be a day of study, was spent getting distracted by YouTube. Lovely, lovely YouTube.

This week I am going to the hospital for the cinematic experience that it my oesophagus. More than anything it gives me a few hours off work which has been very demanding on my time of late. Fingers and toes are crossed that they will actually find something wrong and do not just label me with “irritable bowel syndrome” which the doctor confessed is just what they say when they have exhausted all options.

I also really must get onto writing some more movie reviews as I have watched a few lately, including some shockers, such as Benchwarmers.

Mr Pigalina's birthday has been, and yet he still has had no birthday present because I have no idea where it has got to. According to the email I received he should be enjoying his gift right now and lavishing me with love and praise about how awesome it is. Alas, I fear it has fallen victim to New Zealand customs who seem to like releasing international parcels in batches. For all I know it has been sitting in Auckland for a week. And there I was thinking that the internet can save me from the horror that is other people doing their Christmas shopping. I may still have to venture out into the living hell where car parks evaporate; people seem to walk slowly in front of me or into me; trolleys get left blocking aisles; the supermarket gets crowded for those ESSENTIAL strawberries and after dinner mints; and damn santa hats and stupid snowmen (in the summer) pop up out of nowhere. Eek the cat, I was hoping that I could stay away but so far my experience with internet shopping has made me look like a stinge. "Oh yeah, I did get you something for your birthday.....honest."

Yes, so Mr Pigalina's birthday, and the Pigalina family traditional birthday week that accompanies it, work, study and general laziness has seen me out of action blogwise lately. I will endevour to write again soon, after I have finished this chunk of assignments. So, after that rather lovely insight into my life at the moment I will get back to writing about plot structures and which categories certain stories fall into. Woot.

Feminine Wash

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 06:46:30 GMT

One lady in Dunedin will be red faced today. I had to examine a parcel that was leaking. Inside was a bag of toiletries that somebody had obviously left behind and they had been kindly forwarded on. Alas, some "feminine wash" for "intimate cleansing" had leaked everywhere. Seeing as I had to put the leaking bottle into a plastic bag and rebox the whole parcel and send along a damaged parcel letter the receiver is sure to know I know that she has lady parts that smell oddly floral.

Pigalina Picks the Pops

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 09:20:26 GMT

I have been given the sacred task of making a selection of CDs to be played at my friend Rebecca's wedding.

So Trusting.

I am a bit of a geek (what you? really?! I never would have guessed) so it is a task that I was not only rather touched at being given but one that I am thoroughly enjoying too! It is giving me a chance to listen to a load of my CDs that have been sitting on the shelf for months, if not years, untouched. It is also an excuse to finally put to use a lot of impulse buys such as The Very Best of Culture Club (3 good songs) and Honey to the B by Billie (which is not mine. It belongs to somebody that we shall just call Mr P for now). Alas, my Jason Donovan CD, which I thought would have a wealth of lovely dancable songs on it, turned out to be a huge disappointment.

The task is a complicated one. There are many, many songs that I like but others probably hate. These must not end up on the final mix. Also, we can't have too many cheesy songs or else the reception may end up resembling a school disco, complete with LA lights shoes (how I wanted a pair for such occasions), strobe lights and that smoke that smells like bananas. Then there are songs that are too dancy - The Chemical Brothers for example. Fortunatley I don't own any "unce-unce" music as it is so fondly called in my house or else the job would be even more difficult sifting through that as well. Also, rock does not really seem appropriate which negates over half of the Pigalina and Mr Pigalina music collection. Naughty words is also a problem that one must be on the lookout for.

The biggest problem I am finding though is that all of the best songs seem to be about heartbreak. This is hardly good wedding fare. As we don't own many love songs (the trouble we had trying to arrange music for our own wedding!) it is slim pickings. I suddenly remembered that we had Always by Bon Jovi but upon listening to the words found out that it had to go into the break-up songs discard pile.

So, I am here, at the computer, sifting through thousands of songs to find a few that I hope Rebecca will like. At least I know at the wedding I will enjoy all of the music!<>

The Big (Expensive) Day Out

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 06:18:04 GMT

Woot! After wanting to go to The Big Day Out (an Australiasian rock festival) for the past 10 years or so we are finally going in January. It is being held the day before my 25th birthday and, having decided that 25 is the new 21, what better way to celebrate?

It has turned, however, into a very expensive venture. Almost as much, if not more, than a trip to Australia. Libby, Shaun, Mr Pigalina and I live in Dunedin which is in the South Island of New Zealand (next to the little hand sticking out of the sea):

The Big Day Out is held every year in Auckland which can be found at the top of the North Island on the long thin bit. Believe it or not, it is cheaper to fly across to Australia than it is for us to fly to the top of the country we live in. This is all thanks to only having one airline. Curses Also, thanks to only having one airline we had a bit of a mission booking flights last night. We had decided to take the earliest flight up and the latest flight back so as to get as much holiday as possible. However, there were only 3 flights left each way and only 1 each way had 4 seats left! Alas, we have to fly home at 7.15am which kind of rules out and late night birthday revelry. The price was also $100 more than when we had checked them a few days before. Mr Pigalina just about had a heart attack. Don't even get me started on the price of accomodation and the unhelpful Motelliers that have only just replied to me (luckily in the negative) a week and a half after I booked us into somewhere more expensive. It must be quite amusing to people from larger countries to think that it is such a mission for us to get around. We have no train service and to drive would take 2 days and we would have to pay $400+ to get acoss Cook Strait on the ferry.

Anyway, it is all booked and we shall all be going to Auckland for the very first time! Shaun is most excited about seeing New Zealand bands Scribe and Steriogram so he really could save himself the money and wait until they come and play at the local pub for $10. I am looking forward to Muse and The Killers. Yay!

loudQUIETloud: A Film About The Pixies

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 06:59:46 GMT

Mr Pigalina is a Pixies fan, he was very excited about this film being shown as part of this years Film Festival. So much so that we were all ready to go and watch it one month too early. When it was finally on off we trotted expecting to be two among about 20 other cinema-goers. We were pleasantly suprised to see that the film had almost sold out.

This documentary follows the band during their reunion tour.

They are a motley crew. It looked like Kim Deal had been pottering around her mother's house knitting in between Breeders (her band after The Pixies) albums. I was very amused when her mum commented that it was nice that they were back together as it would give Kim something to do besides writing poetry and sleeping. The drummer, David, is now a magician. (Mr Pigalina thought that being a magician was lame but magicians are cool!) David even performed some of his magic before shows on the reunion tour. Joey Santiago and his wife seem to make money playing gigs together to vast crowds of 5. Frank Black has had many largely unsuccessful solo outings. They need each other.

The band don't seem to get along very well though and they spend a lot of time in silence. Kim travels on her on bus with her twin sister Kelly.

Out of respect for Kim, who has been into rehab, the dressing rooms are drug and alcohol free. This doesn't stop David, after the untimely death of his father, falling into drug use. This does little to help the band's shaky relationship.

This is a fascinating look into the lives of musicians. I didn't really know much about The Pixies, I knew a few songs (and since watching have listened to many more). This film does not have to be watched by an ardent fan to be appreciated. The band dynamics are very entertaining and seeing how they cope with life on the road is intersting - Joey communicates with his family via webcam and his small daughter looks a little uneasy when they meet up in person after a few months of him travelling.

The best part though, and I am sure many will agree, was Kim Deal's number one fan - the girl with the glasses that just about died when Kim accepted the gift of a book from her and signed an autograph. She was classic.

This was a thoroughly enjoyable documnetary. Usually if you aren't mad on a band then who can be bothered sitting through a documentary about them? This could quite possibly make you mad on The Pixies.

Filling You In

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 05:45:53 GMT

I know that everything I do is so incredibly fascinating and when I don't update you on my happenings then you all get bit anxious. Well, fear not, I am now not overwhelmingly busy and can have a little natter.

I am doing correspondence study and (as usual) left doing some of my assignments to the last minute. It was not entirely my fault though as important matters often crop up to take me away from my studies. Such as Prison Break marathons. After a week of late nights I managed to get them in on time, with a little help from the same day courier run from work. Hurrah!

I am having a little break before I begin my next lot - on Wednesday, unless we are watching more Prison Break.

I thought I could handle working 40 hours a week and taking two papers. I feel I may have been a little optimistic.

I have my appointment already for my camera-into-belly expedition. 22nd November. I will have to find my Roland Rat toy out, I cannot go to hospital without him. It would be fun to be able to video it too, just so I can have a good old look at what I look like on the inside. I will ask if they will let me.

That's about all that is happening really. Mr Pigalina and I went away last weekend to Invercargill (aka The arsehole of the world as Mick Jagger once dubbed it). It was rather fun, except we got bitten by a lot of sandflys when we went to Porpoise Bay.

I have also watched a couple of movies, I haven't reviewed one for ages, naughty Pigalina. I will do so right now!

Missing Milk

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 10:13:11 GMT

Pigalina is on a 10 day no dairy diet. After going to the hospital today the specialist said I am to trial no dairy for 10 days and see if it improves my stomach situation at all. If it does I am to cut it out for good. No milk! No cheese! NO CHOCOLATE! I love all three of these things. Milk is in so many products I have to become one of those people who read all of their food labels. I am so glad I am not having to give up gluten - that would be hideous.

We went to the supermarket to stock up on chocolate soy milk and dairy free chocolate (which is rather yum but VERY expensive). Mr Pigalina refused to let me buy eggs insisting that they are dairy. Despite my protests he would not relent. I didn't resort to lying on the floor and kicking my legs, but I wanted to.

My work days are going to be quite difficult, working in an office with three chocolate fiends. Plus my 4 cups of tea (with milk) and the odd hot chocolate will have to change to black tea and cold chocolate soy milk.

The doctor said that I am to have an abdominal ultra-sound next month and in three months, if my blood tests and no dairy show nothing, I am to have a camera down into my stomach. They are also going to take biopsies which sounds rather uncomfortable. I managed to get out of a rectal exam today thank goodness. I said that I hadn't "mentally prepared". Tee hee. The doctor said I have to have one if my biopsies don't show anything. I hope so much that my biopsies show something.

Well, this was my first half day. I had a burger with no cheese for my tea and have had a black tea and some dairy free chocolate. Not too hard, lets see how I am after 10 days.

Looking Forward to Going to the Hospital

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 00:45:30 GMT

As you may know, those of you who have been with me for some time, I had a fabulous time last year with nausea and what-not and a lovely helicobacter pylori infection (which did no go away despite a round of 4 antibiotics twice a day for a week. I am still not sure it is gone after my second lot). Alas after a year I am still having trouble. Not as bad as it was but I still feel queasy a lot of the time and had to take to my bed with the sick bowl last night, which is why I am not at work today.

All this nausea is quite a problem, it has seen a small fotune spent on pregnancy testing kits. I am off to the hospital tomorrow to talk about having a camera put down my throat. No need to talk about it! Just shove it down and take a look! I could have all sorts going on in there and the sooner it is caught the better. But no, we must do things the long way, discuss what will happen with all involved, have I any questions, that sort of thing. Then I will have to wait around for a few more months until I can finally go and (hopefully) find out what is really going on. Goodness, they make everything so difficult don't they? It's been over a year now since this all started. I dread to think how people waiting on new organs and other important operations must feel.

The Annivoorsurry

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 09:42:20 GMT

(Those of you who have watched "The Family Man" will hopefully get my title, If not I will look like quite the fool, a September fool as it were).

Mum and Dad are currently touring around England, but last weekend twas their 25th Wedding Anniversary. As they were married in 1981 an 80s theme was in order for their celebrations. (To see photos check out the album to the right). After thinking for ages what to wear, discarding my original Dexy's Midnight Runners idea, I decided to go as an 80s goth. Mr Pigalina had originally decided to go as a Beastie Boy but alas just looked like a wigga. So, on the day of the party we had to dash to town to hunt down a costume. We found a great outfit with the help of a little old lady at the Fortune Theatre costume hire. Mr Pigalina was very dedicated to the cause and cut his lovely white man afro into a glorious mullet (pronounced moolay).

Please ignore our ugly wall light

We all went out for tea in our fabboo outfits and looked rather lovely. Amusingly my sisters costume consisted almost entirely of BRAND NEW items seeing as the 80s, somehow, has come roaring back into fashion. She had footless tights and a polka dot mini skirt. Girls are quite a silly breed really, put the stupidest most heinous clothes into the popular stores and it will be the next hot trend. If only I ran the shops, ah the fun I would have. Anyway, Mum busted out her original clothes from the 80s and my Dad wore his 80s winkle pickers and put a red rinse through his hair. My aunty April had had fun searching out clothes from the op shop. My cousin Hollie has a very puffy dress and Uncle Phil wore a shirt he has had since the 80s. (Bethanie must have neglected to read the invitations dress code clearly). After tea we retired to Mum and Dad's house where we tried to play Singstar 80s but alas the Playstation decided not to work. We played Trivial Pursuit 80s edition instead but as it was made in Australia there were an awful lot of questions about politicians and sportsmen we had never heard of. So, hopefully they had an enjoyable night, they will be in England for the actual day of their anniversary and are going to get a photo outside of the church where they got married.

Mr Pigalina and I will have to have a 2000s party for our 25th. However, it may end up just looking like an 80s party seeing as how it is the in look again. We could always go for a late 90s party for when we got together. Flannel shirts, skirts over pants and dome trackpants anyone?

Telemarketers are Poo!

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 07:35:51 GMT

We try to not answer the phone in our house. Telemarketers and people conducting surveys have driven us to leave the following message on our answer machine: "Hi it's [Mr Pigalina and Pigalina] we don't answer the phone anymore because everytime we do it is a telemarketer or some kind of survey. So, if you would like to get hold of us please leave a message." Not only is it annoying for us it is annoying for our friends and family to have to leave messages.

I know we should just hang up as soon as we know it is a robotic voiced surveyer but we are just not that rude. We feel obliged to listen to their boring ramblings on about how they can save us money etc. I have even been caught out on Saturdays and Sundays. They even ring past 8pm! It is getting ridiculous, they even call me by name. The stupid Post Office sells the electoral roll to companies so that they can ring people willy-nilly. I only answered the phone tonight because I was waiting on a call from Mr Pigalina. Alas, I was too foolish and on the other end was a man who informed me that he was in my area tomorrow giving "no obligation quotes" for heating.

Damnation it is annoying! If you want to contact the Pigalina's it is best to text or email, unless you are prepared to leave a message at the beep.

blog claiming sucks

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 07:54:07 GMT

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