Pigalina's Palace: Movies

Crank

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:21:36 GMT

Jason Stratham doesn't seem to have been in anything decent since Snatch. The Transporter you say? Don't you remember that scene where the missile ricochets off a tray he is holding?

This film looked like it would be quite entertaining - Speed set within the human body. Stratham stars as Chev a hitman who has been given a concoction of Chinese drugs designed to inflict swift death. Chev discovers though that adrenaline can prolong his life. So, keep moving, stay alive, as in everybody's favourite fast bus movie. Chev vows to kill the man who injected him so races around, staying excited, trying to find him. I can't really say anymore without giving what little plot there is away. It had an interesting ending that had a glaring continuity error - the helicopter was barely above the tops of the buildings yet when someone fell from it they fell for about 3 kilometres.

In terms of visual styling this film was rather interesting, people that they were speaking to on the telephone were shown in the car mirrors; a building bulged like in a cartoon during a bar room brawl; shots were filmed through the grill on a microwave door etc. This is mainly what was going to give the film a three pig rating. However, when Chev met up with girlfriend Eve the movie took a nosedive. Eve is played by the ironically named Amy Smart. Smart seems only to ever play whores and dumbasses. Here she combined the two to play one of the most infuriating characters on film. She was so vacant and when running from gangsters with guns she is concerned that her lippy and tampons and what-not have fallen out of her handbag. It was the sex scene that was the clincher, quite, quite stupid. "Oooh my adrenaline levels, lets have sex in the markeplace." Chev tries to get Eve to have sex with him in front of hundreds of people. She refuses and tries to get away - she is almost being raped yet the marketgoers just stand there. Then, when her shirt rips open she's on and they go for in and everyone stands around thinking it is a great joke. SO IRRITATINGLY DUMB.

The film really tried far too hard to be edgy, what with practically every woman in the film being a slapper, drug taking, gangsta living and a tranny friend (played by Efren Ramirez - Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite). Why was he a transvestite? No reason at all. Gracious.

So, the film started out promisingly but the whiff of trying too hard and the lingering stench of stupid stupid girlfriend and diabolical sex scene tainted this viewers nostrils.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 07:04:24 GMT

Borat was always my favourite character on Ali G so it is good to see him get some recognition. There is no real need to explain the premise, most people will know by now; but for those that don’t, Borat is a journalist from Kazakhstan who is sent to America to study their great culture and teach his people their ways. Borat and his friend arrive in New York, but Borat soon becomes entranced by Pamela Anderson so an odyssey to California to make Pamela his wife begins.

If you don’t like seeing hairy obese men naked I would recommend that you avoid this film, otherwise, if that’s your bag, you are in for a treat. The best thing about this movie is that most of the situations are real; Sacha Baron Cohen approaches real people in the guise of Borat and films their reactions to his wildly inappropriate comments and actions. For example, when at a fancy dinner party he needs to use the toilet he returns with a poo in a bag asking where to put it. The hostess then has to show him how to use a toilet, complete with instructions on wiping. This dinner party ends abruptly with the sheriff being called for reasons unknown. I was suprised that people literally ran from Borat on the streets of New York when he tried to shake their hands. What was their problem? It just made them look like retards and I hope they are embarrassed. (They certainly wouldn't like the "Free Hugs" man then would they?)

You get the feeling that after certain scenes Cohen would be saying “high fiiiiive” to his crew after capturing some gold footage. Like the boys in the campervan who are now suing, the church and the mortgage brokers dinner. Especially the mortgage brokers dinner. There are a few jokes about Jews in the film that some people have commented on. However, knowing that Cohen is himself Jewish should ease the minds of those worried about chuckling at such stereotypes. Kazakhstan has even embraced the stereotypes about themselves apparently using the publicity from the movie to boost its tourist trade. The movie was hilarious and there were no dull moments. Probably not a watch with granny kind of film, though it would be fun to watch with granny and listen to her getting confused about how this odd foreign journalist got his own movie.

5/5

loudQUIETloud: A Film About The Pixies

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 06:59:46 GMT

Mr Pigalina is a Pixies fan, he was very excited about this film being shown as part of this years Film Festival. So much so that we were all ready to go and watch it one month too early. When it was finally on off we trotted expecting to be two among about 20 other cinema-goers. We were pleasantly suprised to see that the film had almost sold out.

This documentary follows the band during their reunion tour.

They are a motley crew. It looked like Kim Deal had been pottering around her mother's house knitting in between Breeders (her band after The Pixies) albums. I was very amused when her mum commented that it was nice that they were back together as it would give Kim something to do besides writing poetry and sleeping. The drummer, David, is now a magician. (Mr Pigalina thought that being a magician was lame but magicians are cool!) David even performed some of his magic before shows on the reunion tour. Joey Santiago and his wife seem to make money playing gigs together to vast crowds of 5. Frank Black has had many largely unsuccessful solo outings. They need each other.

The band don't seem to get along very well though and they spend a lot of time in silence. Kim travels on her on bus with her twin sister Kelly.

Out of respect for Kim, who has been into rehab, the dressing rooms are drug and alcohol free. This doesn't stop David, after the untimely death of his father, falling into drug use. This does little to help the band's shaky relationship.

This is a fascinating look into the lives of musicians. I didn't really know much about The Pixies, I knew a few songs (and since watching have listened to many more). This film does not have to be watched by an ardent fan to be appreciated. The band dynamics are very entertaining and seeing how they cope with life on the road is intersting - Joey communicates with his family via webcam and his small daughter looks a little uneasy when they meet up in person after a few months of him travelling.

The best part though, and I am sure many will agree, was Kim Deal's number one fan - the girl with the glasses that just about died when Kim accepted the gift of a book from her and signed an autograph. She was classic.

This was a thoroughly enjoyable documnetary. Usually if you aren't mad on a band then who can be bothered sitting through a documentary about them? This could quite possibly make you mad on The Pixies.

Superman Returns

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 08:09:55 GMT

Of all the superheroes Superman is my favourite. He has everything - he can fly, is super-strong, has freezing breath, laser eyes, can run very fast, jump really high, x-ray vision, is bulletproof and has even been known to turn back time. It is also fab how he can disguise himself as Clark Kent merely by wearing glasses and swooping his hair to one side. We also go back a long way, I have seen all (I think) of the old movies and was an avid fan of the Lois & Clark series (it helped that Dean Cain starred, to the 11 year old me he was hotness personified). I could not abide that terrible Smallville programme though.

This movie picks up 5 years after Superman left Earth to try and find remains of his home planet, Krypton. Upon his return he discovers that Lois, his old girlfriend, is not only over him (having written an award winning article "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman") but she is also engaged and mother to a sickly child. She doesn't want anything to do with Superman and practically ignores Clark at work. Lex Luthor, Superman's nemesis, is out of jail on a technicality - Superman was not around to testify at his trial so he walked free. His latest scheme is to create a new landmass which he will rule over. The land mass is grown from Kryptonite and the crystals from Superman's frozen refuge. Lex is played by Kevin Spacey who was perfect for the part. Most of the comedic parts came from him and his henchmen. There is a very funny bit where the posse return to find two dogs are now one. Another funny part, between Lois and her fiance Richard, involves them pondering Clark's height and weight compared to Superman's. Kate Bosworth is almost unrecognisable as Lois Lane (well she was to me) and Brandon Routh, as a virtual unknown, does a fabulous job as Superman/Clark. It was hard at first to see when the movie was set as the fashion looks like it should be the '60s but with video cameras and PXT phones it is clear that it is the present day.

I have heard many unfavourable things about this movie from those that shall remain nameless. A bit far-fetched - growing a landmass, not as good as the old ones, trailer looks like junk. What the? Of course it is far-fetched, it is a superhero movie. It is every bit as good as the old ones and while the trailer wasn't terribly exciting how many times have you seen an awesome trailer only to be disappointed? Hmm? Yeah, I thought so. Another complaint was that the plot was too thin, not much really developed. I beg to differ - there are aspects to the story that cropped up and can further develop. There is the Lois-Superman-Richard love triangle. You really want Lois and Superman to get back together but her fiance is just such a nice guy that you feel for him too. What a conundrum. There is Lois' son and his identity. Lex is now free and will be able to scheme more schemes. See, lots to be getting on with.

There was some saviour imagery where Superman flew in front of the sun with his arms out streched, having just saved the world again. This, for me could well be the saviour of the Superman movies, what with X-Men, Batman and Spiderman stealing his thunder of late. However, not everyone agrees with me.

5/5

Tags - Movie, Film, Movies, Reviews, Movie Reviews, Superman Returns, Superman, Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Lex Luthor, Smallville, Dean Cain, Lois & Clark

Luther

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 11:34:00 GMT

Usually when older family members (usually on Mr Pigalina's side) tell us "You guys would love that film" it usually means we would hate it. Shaun's mum highly recommended this film (though she did say it would be good to watch for a church youth group night) so, having a 2 for 1 card Shaun decided to rent it. It was a big contrast to the movie we all watched the night before - Barely Legal.

The film follows the life of Martin Luther, no, not Martin "I have a dream" Luther King Jr. Martin Luther was a monk, which makes for excellent hair-dos throughout the film, who lived in the 16th century. He got angry at the way the Catholic church exploited people's beliefs for money. They charged people to get their dead relatives out of purgatory, made them buy "passes" to heaven. These among other things caused Luther to rebel against the authority of the Pope and began a religious uprising. Not knowing the full story I was always waiting for something awful to happen but it didn't. Luther's wife (yes after leaving the Catholic faith he, and quite a few others, hooked up with a nun) was really pushy. If she was like that in real life he should have run a mile.

The film was very informative and I learnt a lot about a part of history I have often heard about. However, I am not sure whether it is a film for everyone, it probably has very limited appeal for those not overly interested in religion or history.

The costumes and sets were great and made it seem like you are actually watching a wee slice of history. I am not Catholic so I don't know for sure, but I have seen documentaries where people still pray to relics (bones of "saints", pieces of the cross etc). It is sad to see that more than 1 billion people follow the odd ways Luther fought against. Anyway I am getting off the topic.

Judging this film as just a film, in terms of story, interest and aesthetics I will have to give it a 3. I have given out a lot of 3s lately. 3 just means I could go either way, it was rather interesting but it was a little confusing, even dull, in places. Not for everyone but if you are in the mood for some historical drama, why not take a look?

3/5

Tags - Movie, Movies, Reviews, Film, Movie Review, Luther, Religion, Christianity, Martin Luther, Church History, History

Barely Legal

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 10:38:19 GMT

The cover should have been enough to tell us to stay away, the name even more so. This film was obviously written by someone who had seen American Pie, Road Trip and Girl Next Door and then used parts of each to make their own movie. There was even a character that was a total rip-off of Stifler from the American Pie series. While we are on characters, how the heck is Coop one of the cool guys?

Three friends want to get girlfriends and the bedroom benefits that come with having them. However, they are big losers and stand no chance. They decide that they need money to get power to get girls. Having made a bit of money selling pirated porn movies they decide that, to make enough money to buy a car, they need to make the movies. They enlist a stripper and a couple of dorky guys from school (who are supposed to be cool) and set to work writing school themed scripts. They have pre-orders from all around the world and they look set to make a heap of money. The only problem is their camera work sucks, the "actors" are shocking and they are filming it in a parent's basement. Not that the dad of the house would mind, played by Tom Arnold, he is one of the funniest characters in the film. Amy Smart is the only other person you will have heard of in this film, she seems to like this kind of film.

While we all (Mr Pigalina, Shaun, Libby and myself) chuckled, sometimes even laughed out loud, it cannot be denied that this film is dire. The alternative title is "After School Special" and if it weren't for the amount of boobs and the subject matter this film could be just that. The ending was just heinous, apart from the last 30 seconds which were rather good.

Despite it raising a few smiles I cannot, and will not give it more than a 2/5

Tags - Movie, Movies, Reviews, Film, Movie Review, National Lampoon, Barely Legal, After School Special, Tom Arnold, Amy Smart

Fat Albert

Tue, 30 May 2006 10:53:33 GMT

I am horrified to say (it has been a while since we watched it, I am finally catching up on some reviews) but I think Mr Pigalina and I watched this on our 8 year anniversary. We must have rented other movies too. I hope so.

Anyway, I have never seen the Fat Albert cartoon. Once again it is one of those things that I think I was too young for and growing up with England's excellent children's television it was probably played once and not 20 times like in New Zealand. Therefore, Mr Pigalina has watched the cartoon.

The movie centres on a lonely girl who loves watching the cartoon. One day Fat Albert senses she is sad and he of his friends come out of the TV to cheer her up. They follow her to school and try to help her to make friends. Instead of being viewed as total losers the gang, of course, are well accepted. They also discover that their lives in the real world are different, and better. The one that talks in mumbles can talk normally; the dumb one is smart etc. However they also find that they are fading and have to go back inside the tv. Another reason for them to go back is that a rival gang is trying to take over their patch. This provides us with cartoon interludes.

Fat Albert is played by Kenan Thomson of Kenan & Kel. Bill Cosby voiced the original cartoon and also wrote this film. He makes a cameo appearance.

I have to bear in mind that this movie is intended for children. I have to look past the predictable story. I have to wipe from my memory the rapping at the party. I did like it how the characters were different in the real world and had to struggle with the decision to go home, but you knew that they would go back.

I cannot dub this movie "Phat Albert" because alas it was not phat. It was just aiight for me dawg.

3/5

Tags - Movie, Movies, Movie Review, Film, Fat Albert, Kenan Thomson, Cartoon, Bill Cosby

The Da Vinci Code

Thu, 25 May 2006 10:24:58 GMT

As we were on holiday, and because the Embassy has fancy seats, we broke our new (reluctant) rule - no more going to the cinema (it is too expensive). The Da Vinci Code was on and being two of the 28 people in the world who have not read the book, not that Mr Pigalina counts - he doesn't "do" fiction books, we thought we should see what the fuss is all about.

Basically the holy grail is not a cup, it is something else that is a bit controversial so the Catholic church has covered it up for centuries. A man gets murdered in the Louvre and leaves clues which lead Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) and the murdered man's granddaughter on a wild goose chase across Europe in search of the grail. Langdon is a lecturer who specializes in symbols. The man's granddaughter Sophie, played by Audrey Tautou of the fantastic Amelie, is a whizz at breaking codes. How handy. There is also a murderous albino monk who I feel was the most interesting character. (I read an article in Empire magazine that points out that Albinos are always portrayed in the movies as evil/weirdos etc. You can read a similar article by clicking here). That's about all I can say without giving it away, for the 26 others in the world yet to know the story.

It was just an average movie really, though I think it has more to do with the storyline than anything else. Everything was just too convenient. The clues that the murdered man left were so fiendishly cryptic that it would realistically take someone (symbols expert or not) about a week, with the aid of books and the internet, to solve. It took Langdon about 5 minutes or less. I suppose it would work better as a book. There was a pretty good twist towards the end but it wasn't the identity of the grail, that was rather obvious. The story poses some interesting theories, however they rely on the flimsiest of evidence. It annoys me how a lot of people have taken these theories to be truth, viewing the book as fact rather than fiction. Anyway, that's another topic. The Da Vinci Code is your average Hollywood thriller, maybe the book is better.

Tags - Movie, Movies, Film, Review, Movie Review, Da Vinci Code, Tom Hanks, Ron Howard, Audrey Tautou

Mean Girls

Mon, 08 May 2006 10:16:46 GMT

It was Murray's birthday on May 1st so we went to his house to have pizza and a movie. Seeing as he did his usual trick of boycotting his birthday we had to choose our own movie. Shaun pretended he didn't want to watch this film but he did have other choices (he wanted to watch it really).

Even though it was quite predictable, (Shaun having predicted every plot outcome in advance) it was a very enjoyable film. It was very funny, there were a couple of classic quotes, and Lindsay Lohan did a great job. The screenplay was adapted from a book called Queen bees and Wanabees... which is a help guide for the parents of teenagers. The parents in this movie should have read it as they were pretty crap. Especially Regina's mum - horrendous, like Paris Hilton in 20 years time.

The movie revolves around Cady (Kay-dee not Caddy) who grew up in Africa and was home schooled. She goes to high school and befriends the "misfits" (a girl who doesn't dress like a ho and her gay male friend). However, when Regina, the queen bee, and her three half-wit friends spot Cady and invite her to join their group Cady and her two friends hatch a plan to infiltrate the clique. But we all know that it won't go smoothly, and Cady's popularity goes to her head. Will she forget her real friends? What about her brain? Will it turn to mush as she pretends to be dumb to get boys?

I expected less from this film, and I was pleasantly suprised. It was very funny and well worth the watch. Also Lindsay Lohan finally looked as good in this film as everyone always raves she does. Libby and I give it a thumbs up. (The guys secretly do too).

Tags - Movie, Movies, Film, Review, Movie Review, Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan,

Scary Movie 4

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 10:04:58 GMT

The fourth in a series that promised "no sequels" surely can't be funny, can it? It was. Not hilarious, but funny. The best part, which can still amuse us four days later, was all of two seconds long ("His brother, the sheriff!" - but you will have to watch the film, I will ruin it if I try and explain it).

This Scary Movie was based on The Grudge, War of the Worlds and The Village. Saw was also mentioned, with an excellent cameo by Dr Phil. The only two main actors to return were Anna Faris (the big eyed main star) and Regina Hall (her loud friend "Shake-a-spear in lurve"). Carmen Electra returned for a bit part as does Chris "Strong Hand" Eliott (much to Shaun's delight. He was so pleased that he leant across seats to tell us it was him, in case we had missed it).

The movie had quite a few laughs, but it was in no way as funny as the first, or even the second. ( I vaguely remember the third so it probably wasn't that great). I wasn't a huge fan of the main guy - Craig Bierko - he came across as a terrible actor, though that may be because the character he was playing was a dumb arse. I don't think they tried very hard at all with this one, why would they? It's number four after all. Parts of the film were complete re-enactments of the films they were parodying but with a teeny twist. It just felt lazy.

Once again one to watch on video. I was rather annoyed when we worked it out that between four of us we spent about $80. We could have bought 4, even 6 DVDs to keep!

Tags - Movie, Film, Movies, Reviews, Scary Movie 4, Anna Faris, Carmen Electra,Craig Bierko, Regina Hall

Sione's Wedding

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 00:34:41 GMT

I wasn't going to go and see this film - New Zealand comedy not usually being exceptionally rib-tickling. However, I am glad I did go. This film was funny and charming and worth a watch. I was a bit worried that the jokes would be too Samoan or NZ orientated as I had taken my English cousin, but she laughed throughout and said afterwards that it was really funny.

The film was written by the team behind Bro'Town, (a popular New Zealand cartoon). Four Samoan friends, the jokers of their small community in Auckland, have the reputation of ruining everybody's parties. After ruining their third wedding they are told they are banned from going to their friend Sione's wedding. The boys are upset and come up with a plan; if they can get dates for the weding they will be too busy trying to be polite to ruin anything.

The film ends a bit predictably but, as I am getting a bit soft in my old age, I had a wee sniff in the last scene. The whole movie, although it was set among the Samoan community, had a real New Zealand feel. The houses, the streets and clothes all gave it the authentic feel. You could tell that it was set in Auckland.

The was some huge Vodafone product placement. Michael chatted to a friend on a Vodafone video phone and cycled past the Vodafone headquaters. Not to mention Stanley's obsession with chatlines, which he called from his Vodafone mobile.

The opening credits had an odd, jerky, flow which every now and again was repeated througout the film. I am not sure if it was intentional in the film other than the credits. It gave the impression that they had patched together a couple of the scenes from retakes and had not bothered to film them from the exact same angle each time.

It was good fun working out where I had seen most of the actors and extras before - New Zealand having only a small pool from which to fish.

I liked this film a lot, it was funny, the characters were likeable and it was believable too. Good fun.

4/5

Tags - Movie, Movies, Reviews, Review, Film, Movie-Review, Siones Wedding, New Zealand

V for Vendetta

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 11:17:37 GMT

I went to the movies with Mr Pigalina, my cousin Lauren and Mum and Dad to see this movie, a family outing.

This movie is very relevant for today, Dunedin, and probably the rest of New Zealand, recently received survival guides in the mail so that we know what to do should bird-flu arrive. In the film, England is a fascist state, the leader having swept to power thanks to the fear generated after a disease outbreak. Terrorism is the main theme of the movie, something that is also very topical.

It is very much an English movie, (America is in the grip of a civil war and is known as The Former United States and for once is not the focus of a movie such as this) the opening lines are "Remember, remember the 5th of November, the gunpowder, treason and plot. I see know reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot." I remember saying this rhyme on Guy Fawkes night when I was younger. Interestingly when they showed the death of Guy Fawkes at the start of the movie they hung him, rather than burnt him on a fire, thus voiding all I had been taught as a child as to why people burn effigies on the bonfires on November 5th. (Further reading confirmed he was in fact hung.)

The movie is named after the central character, who wears a Guy Fawkes mask and carries out acts of terrorism in order to overthrow the fascist dictatorship. He also intends to get the people of England to rise up against the rulers.

Natalie Portman plays Evey Hammond, who is rescued by V after "fingermen" (or the police) attempt to rape her for being out past curfew. V takes Evey to his home where she soon gets caught up in his crazy plot.

The movie has connections with 1984 by George Orwell, and it is probably intentional that John Hurt plays the leader of England. He starred as Winston Smith in the 1984 movie adaptation of the book. In both, England is ruled over with an iron fist, though Orwell's vision is far more terrifying than this one.

Natalie Portman had to shave her head for this film but she can take heart, at least she wasn't the lady with the bit part who had to shave her hair too. What made the movie work was that it so easily could happen in our lifetime. We could all be under the thumb, staying at home after certain times, watching ficticious news stories. In fact in many parts of the world these things are already happening.

V had reasons behind his murderous sprees and it wasn't just to get revenge for himself. He was avenging the people who were "different" who were murdered by the regime and he was avenging a nation.

The climactic scene was spectacular, I especially liked the thousands of people dressed as V.

I haven't read the graphic novel which this is based upon, but like Sin City it is stirring the nerd in me and I may have to track it down.

5/5

Tags - Movie, Movie Review, Review, Film, V for Vendetta, Natalie Portman,

Battlefield Earth

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 07:09:05 GMT

While I am on the subject of Scientology, last week Mr Pigalina, Robert (who works with Mr Pigalina) and I watched Battlefield Earth. Battlefield Earth is based on the works of L. Ron Hubbard who founded Scientology. We decided to watch the movie as it was on TV and we had heard it is terrible.

I have news for you, it's not that bad! However it is probably not John Travolta's finest hour (it's no Grease).

Anyway, if you look past the curtain style wipes between every scene, and what looks to be the set from a Xena: Warrior Princess shoot, the film is your average Sci-fi.

John Travolta stars, as an alien whose race is trying to enslave mankind. The main human is played by Barry Pepper, the guy from Saving Private Ryan who looks like Bill from Bill and Ted. Everytime I see him I think it is Bill.

There were echoes of the Planet of the Apes movies here, the aliens thought that the humans were too dumb to ever operate machinery and they were using them as slaves. Very PotA. While at first it seems that this is a bit of a plot hole - the aliens claim that they know all of Earth's history, Robert pointed out that in one small snippet the aliens think Dogs were the dominant species as they got driven around in cars by humans. So, not a hole, the aliens just aren't that smart.

I found the film to be watchable, not one I would rave about to friends and make sure they all watched it, but enjoyable all the same.

It certainly doesn't deserve to be in the top 100 worst films on imdb.com. There are far worse films, like Funnyman, the only reason this is higher on the list is because pretty much nobody has watched wretched Funnyman so don't know to vote for it.

3/5

Tags - Battlefield Earth, Movie, Movies, Movie Review, Review, Film, John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Scientology

I Have Sweet Napolean Knowledge Skills

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 00:05:48 GMT

Sweet! Awesome!
You are 95% skilled!

You know a lot, maybe too much... maybe I know too much... we both need to go outside more often, maybe join the FFA or train to become cage fighters? You got my back and everything right?

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 92% on skills

Link: The SWEET Napoleon Dynamite Skills Test written by meldarko on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Hostel

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 05:17:00 GMT

Save your money, wait for the video!

Once again a movie that I had been looking forward to that was a huge disappointment. Blummin' $14 each it cost too.

Hostel is about three very unlikeable guys who are back-packing in Europe. One, I think, is Icelandic (I don't know what exactly, nor do I care), the other two are American. One, Paxton, looks like Mark-Paul Gosselaar who played Zack on Saved by the Bell, only with darker hair and skin (at least I think so, nobody else did). The other one, Josh, is a blonde with rage issues. All of them are obsessed with sex, though Josh has one redeeming quality, he won't pay for it. Aww how nice. He will take the first bit of free loving on offer though. The three are lured to Slovakia of all places where, they are told, they will be on a promise with the ladies, who love American accents.

The whole first hour made me angry, so angry I was ready to walk out. It was as if they thought "How many boobs for no reason can we get into the first half of the film?" I have no problem with boobs in horror movies, it's part of the rules (see Silent Night, Deadly Night for a fine example of unnecessary shots), however, this was beyond a joke. Every woman in this movie either had her boobs out or was some kind of slapper, except for the two Japanese girls. For no reason there was a naked girl in a room, a man was watching porn on his laptop. OVERKILL.

Anyway, back to the story, the people at the hostel mysteriously disappear and it turns out they are being used as part of "murder holidays". Rich people, pay to do whatever they want to a person. (Apparently the Director, Eli Roth actually saw a website for holidays such as these, which spawned the idea for this film). The three friends have been tricked and each get taken to be victims in the games. Putting my film student hat on for a while - the set up of the torture chamber was the same as the brothel that the three visited. Both had a long corridor with many doors leading off it. Behind each door was a person paying to do whatever they wanted to somebody. The way the men had treated women was coming back at them but in a much worse way. Paralell-licious.

The gore was not as bad as I had expected it to be. There was only one place where I had to hide my face, and oh my goodness was it foul. The rest of it though I found pretty tame, though like I've said before, I am tough and brave, my Mum told me so.

I thought the ending was very good though, and it is that and my thinking about it over the past couple of days that has elevated it from the 2 it was going to get to a 3, 3 for average.

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, Film, Hostel, Horror, Eli Roth, Quentin Tarantino

I Love/Heart Huckabees

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 03:57:15 GMT

First of all, the title of this movie frustrates me no end. It is probably "I Love Huckabees" but as it is a picture of a heart in place of the word people have been calling it "I Heart Huckabees" which just sounds stupid but as everyone has been doing it that is the name that is stuck in my head. You don't buy and I Love London t-shirt and go round say "Oh, I heart London so much!". Dumb. (imdb.com calls it "I Heart Huckabees").

Anyway, this movie started out with a torrent of swearing, so straight away, not one to watch with Nan.

Albert, a tree-hugging poet, goes to some existential detectives to see if thye can help him determine the meaning of some coincidences he experinced. Everyone in this film is crazy. Albert writes poems to bring about some kind of eco-revolution but most people think that his poems suck. (Here's why - "Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.")

The man that appears in the coincidences is from Sudan and there is a great scene where Albert and his Fireman friend go to tea at Stephen (the Sudanese guy's) house with his adoptive family. His new brother, sister and father mock how thin he was and how little food he had had and mock Sudan. What a rubbish family. The dinner descends into a huge argument over petroleum, the pet hate and cause of all angst, of Tommy the Fireman.

This movie contains the most bizarre sex scene I have ever seen, though I have lived a sheltered life. Truly odd. There are many mentions of Shania Twain and I wondered what she woud think about it but she makes a cameo towards the end so must have known about it, and the craziness.

Dustin Hoffman appears as one of the detectives, sporting hair rather like that of a transvestite that comes to my shop. Talking of hair, Albert's hair is the same as mine when I was 13. Yummy.

I found this film highly entertaining, it was very strange and very philosophical but was done in a fun way. Good work.

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, film, Huckabees, I Love Huckabees, I Heart Huckabees, Jude Law, Dustin Hoffman

Wallace and Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 07:00:11 GMT

Mr Pigalina and I called into this movie while we were waiting to catch a bus home.

As always with Wallace and Gromit films this was highly entertaining and the fact that it is all stop-motion is amazing. In this film, Wallace and Gromit are earning a living as pest-control specialists and are in high demand as their town is about to hold a giant vegetable competition. However, there is a giant Were-Rabbit on the loose who must be stopped. Wallace may have more to do with this giant rabbit's rampages than he thinks.

We did notice quite a few double entendres mainly to do with Lady Tottington's "secret garden". I am positive undergrowth was mentioned. Also melons. Gracious.

There was certainly a lot to keep older people amused, as is the way with kids films these days, and lots for the younger viewers too. Helena Bonham Carter and Ralph Fiennes (that's Rayfe, not Ralff) provide the voices for the posh characters, and don't even have to put on a voice.

I love Wallace and Gromit, they are great. Nick Park makes great films for the whole family and they make you laugh too.

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, film, Wallace and Gromit, Nick Park, Animation, claymation, Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter

Dirty Dancing

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 05:55:15 GMT

I must apologize for that rubbish review of Monster-in-Law. I really watch way more movies than I have chance to write reviews for. I am going to attempt to catch up while I can still remember what happened.

I borrowed this movie from Libby, as I was about one of the last people left in the world who hadn't seen it. My goodness, did I have this movie all wrong in my head. For a start it is set in the 60s, not the 80s (though some of the hair and clothes could have been confused with 80s style). Also apart from the ending - which I knew was going to be like that - the film was rather suprising. I had in my head that it was going to be about a girl that goes on holiday and falls in love with a guy and they dance a lot, dirtily. However, while this does happen there is a reason behind it. Baby actually starts her dancing lessons to cover for someone who is going to get an illegal abortion. She is rubbish at dancing at the start and has to try very hard to get it right. Johnny (Patrick Swayze) is rather rude and scornful of her while she is learning too. Anyway, Baby is really nice and Johnny is too, he is upset at being used as a sex-object by the older ladies at the summer camp. They bond. Baby's dad hates Johnny, how will they get around this? By doing some dirty dancing. A few complaints about it - there was no need for Baby to sleep with Johnny (Partrick Swayze), but she does, lots. Also the fact that her character wants to join the Peace Corps just seems like a way to drive home the fact that she is really nice (see also Shallow Hal). I thought that this movie would be super cheesy but it was actually very enjoyable and I can see why it has become a classic with girls everywhere. Girls like dancing, most of them anyway, boys should take a leaf out of Patrick Swayze's swivelled hipped book.

It is a shame that Jennifer Grey (Baby) was pretty much never heard from again apart from that sitcom where she played herself - (It's Like, You Know).

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, film, Dirty Dancing, Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey

Monster-in-Law

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 04:01:48 GMT

It must look like I have been watching quite a few JLo movies lately. It's not true! I promise!

We watched Monster-in-Law on holiday so it was quite a while ago. I am not a rom-com fan and we watched this movie because it was a free new release. I was pleasantly suprised.

JLo meets a man and they decide to get married but her mother-in-law-to-be is a nightmare. A monster-in-law-to-be in fact. Jane Fonda played the mother-in-law and was fabulous. I especially liked the scene where Charlie (JLo) and Viola (Jane) were watching a movie together. She was so annoying. Kevin, Charlie's fiance is a bit of a mummy's boy and Viola tries everything she can to get rid of Charlie. She even considers feeding her crushed peanuts the day before the wedding because she is very allergic to them. At the end we find that Viola isn't that bad and that there is in fact worse.

Wanda Sykes is also in this film, better known around our house as Biggie Shorty from Pootie Tang. (She looks rather old in this movie, I think it is just the hair).

This was actually a funny movie, not all soppy as I had imagined it would be. JLo did a good job and so did Jane Fonda.

I recommend a viewing if you are in the mood for some light comedy.

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, film, Jennifer Lopez, jlo, Monster in law, Jane Fonda, Wanda Sykes

The Dukes of Hazzard

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 04:05:11 GMT

Boobs, Cars and Fighting. I could stop there because that pretty much sums up the whole movie.

I have never seen an episode of The Dukes of Hazzard, I am far too young and sprightly. Mr Pigalina has seen them, though that is not because he is old, it is because New Zealand has a habit of re-playing shows as much as it can as if to get it's money's worth. (Hogan's Heroes is currently showing, I'm not kidding).

All I knew about The Dukes of Hazzard was that they drove the General Lee and Daisy Duke wore short-shorts.

This movie was written by boys for boys, there was a really thin plot that has been done many times before - my home is in danger, let's save it. The plot was really just an excuse to have as much driving, fighting and Jessica Simpson showing her goodies as possible. The thing that really tipped me off that boys must have written the movie was when the Dukes went to a college dorm to pick up a friend. Allow me to elaborate. The first room they looked in had two girls in their undies doing each other's hair. The next room had four girls in undies boxing. The next room had about 10 girls sitting around in their undies smoking dope. When they finally found their friend she and her room-mate were just finishing a shower and were wearing only towels. Oh silly me, I forgot that this is what girls do when they get together alone, forgive me, it has been a while.

The rest of the movie was racing, and who can guess how it ended?

I am glad that I don't have any fond memories of the original series because I would no doubt be severely angry at how they had ruined it. Instead I can be safe in the knowledge that I didn't pay to see the movie and that I got a nice 5 minute sleep out of it.

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, film, Dukes of Hazzard, Jessica Simpson, Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott

Fun With Dick and Jane

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 10:50:12 GMT

It was our own fault. We were told it was dumb. But we still went along.

This is a remake, as most films seem to be these days, of a film from 1977 called, funnily enough - Fun with Dick and Jane. Why did they bother? The film was only mildly amusing and what was with that kid? OK, I know that he had been raised by the Spanish speaking maid but his constant Spanglish was irritating in the extreme. Plus, what was the point of it? Apart from one joke there was no point.

Dick and Jane were not very likeable characters either, apart from the bit at the start where Dick was humiliated on TV and at the very end. They felt no remorse for their crime spree, and indeed got no come-uppance. They kept their maid despite having no money to pay her and paid her in appliances instead. She would have been the first thing to go if I lost my job (that is if I had been rich enough for a maid in the first place). Also Jane didn't think to look for a job until after about 4 months. Silly cow.

The maid proved to be pointless apart from one joke where (because she has an accent and a lisp) she mispronounced "Richard" as "Retard". Alec Baldwin plays the head of Globodyne, the company Dick used to work for, but he is not credited with it on imdb.com. Probably asked not to be.

Jim Carrey is far better in roles such as his one in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, even The Truman Show. His over the top antics are getting lame.

All in all as was to be expected considering many different people had told us not to go.

However it must be pointed out that Shaun gave it the thumbs up and would go again. (Though you've seen the picture of Shaun and his high pants haven't you, that's how good his judgement can be).

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, film, Fun with Dick and Jane, Jim Carrey, Tea Leoni

The Wedding Planner

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 05:16:16 GMT

Oh dear. I don't know why I watched this movie. It was on TV and it was a Monday night and Mr Pigalina was doing something, I think they are my reasons. I'll say they are.

JLo (or is it J.Lo?) stars as a dorky wedding planner who everyone thinks has a romantic life but really she is alone. Her dad sets her up with a guy she used to play with when she was little. But then, oh no! she breaks the number one rule for a wedding planner - she falls in love with the groom. The fact that it is Matthew McConaughey should have sent her running for the hills, his voice is so annoying. All of the cliches are rolled out for this film, she can't have him, they have a falling out, they realise they want each other etc. Luckily for JLo the wedding does not go ahead as the bride decides she doesn't want to get married. But wait! What's this? JLo is marrying the guy that her Dad set her up with in a super low-key unromatic wedding unlike anything she would plan? That's right! But as with all good (or should that be lame) romances there is a race across town to stop the wedding. And they all live happily ever after apart from the guy who JLo was going to marry but he doesn't seem to care and actually helps the other guy find her.

JLo to be fair did an alright job, she came across as a very nice character. Though it is funny, as with the character Britney Spears plays in Crossroads, it is almost as if they want us all to say "oh, she's so nice, not a diva at all, a bit of a geek even."

As soon as the two met in the film you could predict exactly what was going to happen. It was so predictable. I am glad life is not like a romance film or else the Pigalina story may have been: Meet, find out Mr Pigalina was only pretending to enjoy Harry Enfield programmes; be shocked at deception; decide to follow dreams of nursing injured wilderbeast in the sahara (or wherever it is they live) but just as I am walking down the tunnel to board my plane Mr Pigalina appears after racing across town in barefeet across broken glass peddling a small pink tricycle. He would then declare his love for me in front of the entire airport, he may even sing a song for good measure and then the whole airport would clap and say "hurrah".

What a load of crap.

Tags - Movie Review, Movies, Movie-review, film, Jennifer Lopez, jlo, Matthew McConaughey, Wedding Planner.

Layer Cake

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 04:02:14 GMT

Mr Pigalina had been looking forward to this movie for months, poor chap and was very disapointed by it when we got round to watching it. Y'see we like Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, it's a great film, Snatch was also rather fine. Both were directed by Guy Ritchie (Mr Madonna) so when we saw his name attatched to this movie we thought good things. (Though really after the disaster that was Swept Away, starring Madonna, we should have thought twice. Yes, it really is as bad as you've heard).

However, the big problem is, Guy Ritchie has absolutely NOTHING to do with this film. When we saw the movie poster we failed to notice that it said "from the producer of LSTSB and Snatch". Poos, we took it to mean that Guy Ritchie produced this. Man we're dumb.

Anyway, onto the review. I must apologize that once again it has been a while since I watched this movie. Dunedin has been having a decent summer for a change so I have been staying off the computer. I found the movie a bit confusing, there were too many people. Some, like the character played by Sienna Miller (don't even get me started on her) seemed a bit pointless. I can't really remember a great deal, nothing stands out in my head as being hilarious or fantastic. It did have a pretty good ending though I must say. I would say this film is rather average, and Mr Pigalina said it was "disapointingly not like Lock Stock and I waited months for it."

3 pigs out of 5

Tags - Movie Review, movie-review, Movies film, layer cake, Sienna Miller.

Funnyman

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 03:22:24 GMT

I am jumping this one to the head of the queue of my reviews as I just have to tell you about it. It is quite possibly the worst film ever. It was so bad that Mr Pigalina and I decided to turn it off after about 30 minutes so as to not waste anymore precious life on such a heap of rubbish.

The movie was bought for me by my friends Muz and Catherine for my birthday as they know of my love for cheesy horror. I am sorry if they feel that I don't appreciate their gift but it was dire. It doesn't even have a photo on imdb.com it is that lame.

As I didn't dare watch the whole lot, lest I became a a jibbering wreck on the floor due to the crapness I had filled my brain with, I am not sure if Christopher Lee featured for more than the first scene. If I was him I would ask them not to put my name on the front cover of such a wretched film.

A rich music producer wins a house from Christopher Lee in a poker game. He and his family go to have a look at it. There is a lot of jester paraphernalia everywhere. Could this be where the Funny man lives? (He is not funny). The young son goes to look around, the mopey teenage daughter plays on her handheld game (I think it is some kind of Gameboy, I can't remember, I was too busy chuckling that it boasted it had a "dot matrix" screen. WooHoo!). Dad snorts some drugs and gets it on with Mum, lovely. Funny man has been awoken by them messing around in the house and proceeds to kill the family off; talking to the camera now and again for good measure.

Also at the same time this fascinating chain of events is unfolding the Dad's brother is driving along to deliver some items to the house. He stops to pick up some hitchhikers - A guy who used to be on Coronation Street, another guy, a Drag queen with a big afro who reads Tarot cards and for some reason, a bird-watching Velma from Scooby Doo.

I can't even put this movie into a so-bad-it's-good pile, that is reserved for things like Silent Night Deadly Night which is great. Funnyman has to go on the so bad I must never, ever attempt to watch it again pile.

0/5

Wolf Creek

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 07:55:41 GMT

Goodness! I have been falling rather far behind with my movie reviews lately. I have seven to do and am going to be watching another movie tonight. So, I thought I had best get on with this one.

Mr Pigalina and I watched this one while we were on holiday in Australia, which was rather fitting as this movie is set in the Australian outback.

Three holiday makers, two British ladies and an Australian man are driving through the outback. They decide to go to Wolf Creek which is the site of a meteor crater. It is in the middle of nowhere and they discover when it is time to move on that their car won't start. Eventually a very helpful outback-type man comes along and says that he will tow them to his hut and he will fix their car for them. How kind. Or maybe not.

One thing is for sure, if I ever go near the Outback I will be going on a tour bus. Especially considering this movie is meant to be based on actual events.

The film was rather slow moving to start, but I read an interview with the director - Greg McLean - which said that he intended it to be slow to build up the suspense, in the same style as older horror films such as Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Fair enough.

I think it was my pre-viewing reading that prevents me from giving this film a 5/5, I had read that people were leaving because it was too scary - rather like I had read before The Blair Witch Project. I could handle the gore, though that must be because I'm tough. However, this film did its job once it got into it, delivering a feeling of loneliness and isolation and offering hope and snatching it away. The death the man had planned involving viscious dogs was very inventive and would be a foul way to go. The film even caused the grown man sitting behind us to become so involved that he was urging the characters on out loud.

4/5